Posts Tagged ‘Dark Humor’

Today’s street mail has brought the current (Spring, 2018) issue of STAR*LINE, the journal of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Poetry Association (SFPA).  This is the one that has four (count ’em, FOUR — cf., also, April 11, et al.) separate poems by me in it, granted short ones, but still four whole poems!  All of these are perhaps a little bit tongue-in-cheek, dealing as they do with the everyday problems of vampiresses on the run, sharks in mermaid-infested waters, zombie hunters seeking their prey, and love-smitten young men in Transylvania.  The poems themselves are scattered throughout the magazine (often tucked discreetly towards the bottoms of pages), the pages which they inhabit being 10, 18, 24, and 34, and with titles like “Never Trust a Vampiress,” “Oh No She Didn’t?,” “From The Zombie Hunters Field Guide:  Tracking the Zombie,” and “The Young Transylvanian’s Guide to Dating:  Taking Your Date Home.”

For those interested, more on STAR*LINE and the SFPA can be found by pressing here.

Advertisements

It’s skinny and long (it’s a lot of poems) but here it is, the contents list for the current STAR*LINE (see March 29) with four, count ’em FOUR, poems by me.  Well, they’re very short poems (on a very long list) and spaced out through the issue, but see if you can find them all!  Hint:  The final two have VERY long titles, the fourth perhaps the longest of all (but the first two are shorter).

Departments

Dragons & Rayguns • Vince Gotera
President’s Message • Bryan Thao Worra
From the Small Press • Herb Kauderer
Stealth SF * Flying Blind * Denise Dumars
XenoPoetry: Japanese Scifaiku and Tanka • Shouko Izuo (translated by Natsumi Ando)

Poetry

[spewing] • Roxanne Barbour
[spray of rocks] • Roxanne Barbour
Workshop Exercise 21/08/2337: My Earliest Memories • David Jalajel
UFO • David Barber
[multiple moons] • David J Kelly
[life sentence] • David C. Kopaska-Merkel
[their drone ship came to Earth] • Lauren McBride
The Fallen Angel’s Ace of Wands • Mindy Watson
Why aliens shun India • Arjun Rajendran
[huckster moon] • Greer Woodward
Never Trust a Vampiress • James Dorr
[that] • David C. Kopaska-Merkel
It’s Universal • Marsheila Rockwell
Transported by Song • Herb Kauderer
[easy mole removal?] • F. J. Bergmann
A Cinephile Steps On-Screen • Alberto Sveum
Symbiosis • Chris Galford
[Striped gaiters, breather] • Denise Dumars
Stone Clutched to Chest • Laura Madeline Wiseman & Andrea Blythe
The Holy Firmament of Venus • Mary Soon Lee
Measure • Banks Miller
[alien worm—] • Susan Burch
Widening Gyroscope • F. J. Bergmann
[rising] • Roxanne Barbour
Cost-Benefits Analysis of Being a Zombie • James Reinebold
Till Death Do Us Part • Kathleen A. Lawrence
[a GoFundMe account] • Beth Cato
If Only I Could Sleep • G. O. Clark
Hermes • Jonel Abellanosa
Friends of Traitors • Matthew Wilson
[bottle trees on Mars] • Sandra J. Lindow
When Semi-Benevolent Aliens Conquer Earth • R. Mac Jones
Cosmic Roshambo • John Richard Trtek
[we’re leaving] • Robin Wyatt Dunn
Oh No She Didn’t? • James Dorr
[revealing] • Roxanne Barbour
Archaeopteryx • Robert Borski
[Terrans scooping gravel] • Lauren McBride
Wolf Moon • Susan McLean
[FTL propulsion achieved] • Lauren McBride & Jacob McBride
[cosmology] • Katrina Archer
Flight of Fantasy • crystalwizard
[no need] • Susan Burch
[we buried] • ayaz daryl nielsen
alien sea beams • David J Kelly
A Leaf Fairy Feels Under-Appreciated • Sharon Cote
The Return • Ken Poyner
The Cold Spot • Kimberly Nugent
From the Zombie Hunters Field Guide: Tracking the Zombie • James Dorr
[summer waits for him] • Holly Lyn Walrath
[vampire job fair] • William Landis
Data Value • Patricia Gomes
[close encounter] • Susan Burch
[Irresistible panhandling] • F. J. Bergmann
From Antartican Vibranium Tankas • Eileen R. Tabios
Ghazal • Joshua Gage
Elixir Stores Open for Business! • Ronald A. Busse
[the sound of black holes] • Alzo David-West
Lost in the House of Hair • John W. Sexton
[end of the road] • Greg Schwartz
The Music of the Spheres • Mikal Trimm
Come Embrace Space • Lauren McBride
E pur si muove • Deborah L. Davitt
[nothing’s so beautiful] • Alzo David-West
[red shift] • David J Kelly
[alien pool shark] • F. J. Bergmann
Second Life • Davian Aw
[eruption] • Roxanne Barbour
[for sale: sweet cottage] • F. J. Bergmann
Illiteracy • Scott E. Green & Herb Kauderer
[outside the greenhouse] • Greg Schwartz
The Young Transylvanian’s Guide to Dating: Taking Your Date Home • James Dorr
[alien teenagers] • Susan Burch
[prohibited] • Roxanne Barbour
The Ghost Diet • Robert Borski
Everything started with the Big Bang, they say • Juanjo Bazán
[held to my ear] • F. J. Bergmann
Red in the Morning • James B. Nicola
[the prospect recedes] • David C. Kopaska-Merkel
[heat death of a universe] • F. J. Bergmann
Missouri City, Texas, in a Far Tomorrow • José Chapa
Intruders • Cindy O’Quinn
[Looking at each star] • William Landis
The Plague • Matthew Wilson
Mermaid Warrior • Darrell Lindsey
[star party] • Lauren McBride
[Stiff with chill] • Denise Dumars
Exfil • WC Roberts
[class four body dies] • Holly Lyn Walrath
[guys on a float trip] • William Landis
Shapeshifter Taxonomy • A. C. Spahn

Illustrations

Low Rounders • Denny E. Marshall
First Time on a Swing • Christina Sng
Squirm • Denny E. Marshall

And then a second very short item, the Goth cat Triana had her annual checkup yesterday at an all new vet’s, a bit closer than the one she went to last year, and (the triaba2b4001question local people who know her all asked) she conducted herself like a perfect, if apprehensive, lady.  Or more to the point, she didn’t bite either the vet or his assistant!  GOOD Triana.  (There had been some discussion when I had first gotten her of giving her a name with vampiric connotations, but the decision had been that that might be too much of a red flag — cf. February 12 2017.)  And, pending test results on certain, er, organic samples, her health is good.

Well, with one possible exception to the last, something I’d sort of noted myself as I took her in her carrier to the vet.  She may be getting a tiny bit chubby.

Ah, back to the routine of the writing life, or . . . maybe not quite so routine in this instance.  One may recall that the Science Fiction and Fantasy Poetry Association’s magazine STAR*LINE had accepted five poems from me last month (see February 25), to be spaced out over the coming year’s issues.  Today, wasting no time, the proof sheets for the coming Spring issue arrived with four (count ’em) poems of the five included!  A trifecta plus one, or, how’s that for dominating an issue?  (Well, given the poems are all very short, perhaps not exactly domination, but still. . . .).

So the poems are “Never Trust a Vampiress,” “Oh No She Didn’t?'” “From the Zombie Hunters Field Guide:  Tracking the Zombie,” and “The Young Transylvanian’s Guide to Dating:  Taking Your Date Home,” leaving the longest of the original five (by a whopping one line) to stand alone in a future issue.  I like the choices and the order — scarcely ten pages of the coming STAR*LINE can be read without coming across my name!  But more to the point, except for one minor note, all in the issue looked fine to me and so it went back this afternoon.

Five funny things, actually.  Lately my poetry has tended to ultra short, epigrammatic pieces, hopefully with a small punch or a laugh.  The one I had in the fall STAR*LINE, for instance, “Wet Work” (see December 2, et al.), is an example.  So it was that I sent five more to STAR*LINE in mid-December, the last of which in fact, I noted, was sort of a commentary on “Wet Work,” though goofier, maybe.  But to the point, the email came back yesterday from Editor Vince Gotera:  All five were accepted!  They’ll come out over the course of the rest of the volume year.  Probably one or two at a time.  So despite rainy, gloomy weather outside, Saturday ended up being a great day (I also finished a story that afternoon, in itself reason enough to celebrate)!

The poems (watch for them!  They’ll likely come out in a different order) are titled “From the Zombie Hunter’s Field Guide:  Tracking the Zombie,” “The Young Transylvanian’s Guide to Dating:  Taking Your Date Home,” “Never Trust a Vampiress,” “What She Learned,” and (this the one based on “Wet Work”) “Oh No She Didn’t?”  While more on STAR*LINE and sponsor/publisher Science Fiction and Fantasy Poetry Association can be found here.

For Kindle, that is, with a publication date listed as March 10 and, hopefully, a print edition to come later.  The book is MONSTROSITIES, Third Flatiron Publishing’s Spring anthology, on [t]hings that are just too big or that don’t scale.  Whether it’s the new shopping mall down the street, kaiju attacking Tokyo, flawed utopian ideas, the supposed ultimate weapon, or somebody who’s way too big for his britches. . . .  Well, you get the idea.  And my part in this one is a short story, “Got Them Washday Blues,” about a bad night at a local laundrette.  (And what’s a laundrette?  Well, read it to find out.)

So you probably know what a laundrette (also, “launderette”) is anyhow, or can figure it out, though the word’s more English English than American.  While as for MONSTROSITIES, more information can be found here.

“Panic and a head full of snot are not a match made in heaven.”  That was the first line; that was the challenge.  Years ago, to write a story using that first line, which was just wacky enough that I did write that story, the tale of a laundry policeman with allergies vs. a giant soiled clothes monster titled “Got Them Wash Day Blues.”  Not surprisingly, it was taking some time to find a market.

But then came the call, from Juliana Rew of Third Flatiron Publishing, buyers not that long ago of my “Dead Girls, Dying Girls” for their Kurt Vonnegut CAT’S BREAKFAST tribute anthology (cf. newland-godzilla-bambiJuly 11, June 15, et al.) among others and known sometimes for an eccentric sense of humor, a new anthology set for spring to be called MONSTROSITIES.  Things that are just too big or that don’t scale.  Whether it’s the new shopping mall down the street, kaiju attacking Tokyo, flawed utopian ideas, the supposed ultimate weapon, or somebody who’s way too big for his britches, we all have had to deal with humongous blunders.  Get it off your chest–share with us your favorite monstrosities.  Hmmmm. . . .

And so yesterday afternoon came the email.  We definitely want “Got Them Washday Blues.”  Let us know if still available and we’ll get back with a contract in January.

More to be revealed here as it becomes known.

Lish McBride on TOR.COM, began it this way:  At first I thought, I’m not going to do a Halloween post.  After all, what can be more terrifying than this year?

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  2017 jumped the shark a long time ago in regards to how mind-numbingly horrifying it has been.  I can’t think of a worse time.  (Except maybe high school.)

But then she recalled that horror sometimes helps in forgetting, if for a moment, one’s own aversions — and humor, most definitely, can as well.  Thus another list was born, to be reported here — “Necessary Whimsy:  Vampire Bunnies and Other Weird-But-Fun Halloween Reads,” with one caveat, perhaps, that some (most?) are geared to young adult readers or even children.  But does not Halloween bring out the inner child in us too?

Let all be revealed by pressing here.

So, okay, this is another teeny horror/dark humor poem I read at the Bloomington Writers Guild’s “Last Sunday Poetry” last week (cf. September 24), but this being the afternoon of October’s “First Sunday Prose” (more on which later this p.m. or Monday morning), why not?  Actually it came up while perusing “Bloodizabeth’s Meat & Greet Dinner Party” on SLASHERMONSTER.COM and seeing one comment mentioning The Beatlles and “I Am the Walrus.”  So having this variant, as it were, in the quiver, why not shoot it into the “Comments” section as a comment upon the comment?  (And thus here, as an “extra,” for you.)

I AM A WALRUS

i have a walrus mustache,
& am hot for mermaids

Yes, I know, this is actually being posted in the wee hours of Tardy Tuesday.  That’s how it goes sometimes — and it was initially posted by Lindsey Goddard on DIRTY LITTLE HORROR several days before, under the deceptively modest title of “Horror Humor.”  But I think it’s worth looking at any time one is in need of a dark laugh, photos, mostly, but artfully captioned, a sample of which appears to right.  For the rest press here.

There are 22 in all, with my favorites numbers 5, 7 through 10, 12, 13, 16, 22, and of course the one pictured, number 1.  Which ones are yours?

I had had to skip the open mike part of last week’s Last Sunday Poetry due to getting ready for early check-in for my “Raising the Dead” reading at that evening’s Ryder Film Festival (see October 31).  This week, however, all was on schedule for November’s “First Sunday Prose Reading and Open Mic” (cf. October 3, et al.) with local short fiction writer Tom Bitters and a tale of young love nearly torpedoed by an inflatable doll named Mistress Ping; poetry and prose performer Gabriel Peoples with the rambling and funny quasi-historical “The Story of Jack Daniels,” including audience participation; and First Sundays MC and co-sponsor (with host venue Boxcar Books) Bloomington Writers Guild member Joan Hawkins with more of young love, the “Ballad of Renee and Buzz,” and the start of a second piece, both examples of creative nonfiction.

The crowd was reasonably large at the start although, as sometimes happens, it thinned down to about half its size during the break, after which two people read at the open mike session, me and local poet and essayist and sometimes short fiction writer Tonia Matthews.  My piece this time was of young love also,”Smashing Pumpkins,” that of the vampires Aloysius and Vendetta in an adventure of Halloween, ice-blood (or is it “bloodcream”) cones, and rampaging clowns, all ending up with a trip to the polls on Election Day.




  • My Books

    (Click on image for more information)
  • Chapbooks

  • Poetry

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 1,089 other followers