Mr. Happy Head Finds Spot in Bizarro Bizarro — Publication Date Set for November
It was set up to be a big deal, announcements all over the “usual suspect” horror sites. BIZARRO BIZARRO! As even now stated, “The authors who submitted to BIZARRO BIZARRO clearly have a passion for literature that is beyond the mass-market, fluffy airport paperback literature endorsed by Ronald McDonald and Ellen Degeneres. The amount of talent we’ve been exposed to… If we said it was ‘mind-blowing,’ that would sound cliché, so instead, we’ll say that it was heart-exploding. . . .” The terms weren’t really all that great, but “all the best people” would be submitting to it. Facebook pages added such hints as “We keep receiving a lot of great submissions. A lot of humor! We haven’t seen many experimental pieces so far. . . .” Surely this would be the anthology where one would want to be seen.
So, okay, the guidelines also asked for a query along with the story itself, for screening purposes. Authors’ names at the end of MSS to avoid the editors being dazzled by better-known authors’ fame. They even included a link to a definition for the term “bizarro.”
So, okay, I’d bite, but I’d looked up the definition/article and so I wrote in my cover letter (as signed by “He Whose Name Cannot Be Put Here But Is At The Bottom Of The Attachment”): “[the] article implies a synopsis of a bizarro story probably isn’t possible. So here are reasons you may not like the attached (may I say its name here? If not, please ignore the next three words) ‘Mr. Happy Head’:
“1. My computer doesn’t have Georgia font, so I used Times New Roman.
2. It isn’t the right length, being only 2700 words (though you do say send it anyway).
3. It ‘s a reprint, first published in WICKED MYSTIC, Spring 1996, but with reprint rights in my possession.
“Here are reasons you may like it:
“1. It’s non-linear which, if not truly experimental, may seem a little odd.
2. I’m sot sure it has a plot, being just about this guy who seems to be dead, but is okay with it (even if he’s not a zombie or vampire).
3. He may have once been involved in crime, and he doesn’t like anybody very much.
4. He once wanted to be a dentist’s hygienist.
5. His name is spelled differently in the title than in the story.
6. It has lots of birds in it.”
And so now you know what the story’s about to which I need only add that yesterday the acceptance came and this afternoon I’ve emailed back the contract for “Mr. Happy Head” for the Bizarro Pulp Press anthology BIZARRO BIZARRO.
“We are currently in the process of compiling our table of contents for the anthology; our intention is to publish the anthology in November of 2013. As soon as you scan a signed copy of the contract and send it to us, you may announce your acceptance to the world! Shout it from the rooftops!”